why me

What was her mind when she had me inside?
What was his mind when she had me inside?
I guess i'll never know what the answer.
I'm not and will never ready for the truth
Sometimes things are better left unknown
Even something can't be easily forgotten.

Is she sad? Is he regret?
No contacts allowed is that a deal?
I always in this grey area. And this bomb inside my head is easily start ticking with only one word. I can't hate myself because i just can hold on to myself. No one can help me. But I still wish somehow there's someone there who can lift me up from this burden forever, from the darkness i face, from the coldness in the bottom i felt. I do really wish. "Believe in something small" I do.

How can i see my soul, when there is nothing i can see. this blindfold is covering me since the beginning i open my eyes. Or when i arrived in this body. i do need some courage to go. i do need to find the clue, but how?

I have 2 choice , find the truth or let it be the past and i will write my own version in my head like i want to, the way i can handle it.

Are you there?
Are you sick or health?
I'm sorry i can't forgive you
No matter what reason you have
No matter what condition you struggle
No matter what you've been going through
I wish you know that I blame you for all of my life!

why me? not her? not him?
why me!

confusing thought!

Okay, this thing always come back to me every year (i guess)... 

I never realize that my brain can work out many thought. I'm soon gonna be 26 and i haven't decided what i want to do with my life. I just stay focus with what i have and what i want to have but the truth is  instead of those thought, i keep a deepfull thought about live. I wanna be someone else who have another interesting thing to do daily. I'm dull here. I feel empty. I can't even express my own feeling. 

Will I find what I've been looking for?
Will I walk through this darkness forever?
Will I be forgiven for my mistakes?
Will I forgive every mistakes that has been done?
Will I get my happy ever after?
Will I ever let it go?
Will I .........
Ever gonna answer all my questions............

where my money goes..................... part 2

Hello, i'm back..

lately i'm not focused with what i'm doing (except my work) besides working time, i take my laziness to the fullest. Sometimes layin around, reading a book, or BBM-ing ---> this is so on rite now. Maybe i should list my useless activities :D

1. Laying aroung (daydreaming)

2. BBM-ing

3. Playing with itouch

4. Reading my unread novelsssss

While doing that, i still have pending things i should be done.

"1. Cleaning, tide up my room coz its all mess!"

(this need extra lot attention, time, energy and so on) ----> which makes me so lazy to start

Woops, enough the opening... i just want to list where's my money goes (and its part 2)

Okay here we go...

1. Nude/beige pump heel

Okay when i first saw it, I already fell in love... but i'm still lookin around find the other model and cheaper of course :) but in the end i can't find it. So i finally bought it.. I plan to use it on my birthday(comin on september yay) and it's for my birthday gift from : me, myself and I

2. ZENO hot spot

Blemish remover, it gives you hot feel on your acne and it says can remove the blemish from your face. I just curious and I think it works (maybe) , cause there ain't so much acne on my face, i wish this Zeno thingy can remove fat too (-__-)

3. I-touch

Hm i don't know why am i buying this ???? argh well for style point i guess??? I'm not really fanatic lunatic music listener, and i listen radio more than my mp3, but the games helps killing my time :) and last time this thing drive me insane coz it entered recovery mode when i upgraded it to OS 4. In the end I realize that my 8GB itouch can't do the multitasking ARGH.....

4. Body shop tea tree + L'occitane

That're tea tree variant from Body Shop, Face mask and Face toner

Shampoo, Shower cream (peony) & Body milk (peony) from L'occitane

Okay for the tea tree i find it usefull but for L'occitane I just like the smell of the Peony. For the shampoo, the BA said it contain peppermint that can cooling your scalp but i don't feel anything

urgh.......

5. JAY CHOU'S CONCERT

This is the most valuable money goes in my life. Okay that's the 10th year of JC singing career and i've been so lucky that my friend can get us TICKETS only just 3 days before. OMG, i still can't believe i've been in JC concert :D

The concert held in Singapore. :) :)

6. Michael Kors watch

The watch!

7. Accessories

cheap bangles, ring, Clutch(Body'nSoul), Long necklace (Body'nSoul)

8. Flower bouquet

This is worth! Gave it for my mom's birthday on July. It last for 2 weeks i guess.

9. Clothes

My friend had this closing store and sale the clothes. I bought it with best deal!

10. Hello Kitty

Well i just wanna have fun with my lil sister with this cute big clothes.

PHEW DONE DONE DONE..... This is my part 2....

and for the big price.... I think i spent my 1 month hard work for all that stuff :D well but that were spent at different month, so i guess i'm not really feel guilty.

I JUST HAVING FUN WITH MY LIFE !!!!

I hate You!

Blah Blah blah and once again i heard about the religion thingy! That's my rights to believe or not to believe in something. And anyway you're not givin the right example too! And this church thingy ain't gonna bring you to heaven! ain't makin this family holds up together. This happen because we are smart human, we understand when we need to shut up our mouth. Yeah yeah yeah, satan satan satan lately this thing become more popular. The way you blame other ppl except yourself is super proving your ideal of christianity

Phew... i have this miserable of faith since 5 years ago. should i bring this problem into my whole life? I have no idea, i can't just put it in the garbage thingy, because somehow if that problem solved means my life ended ..... either it ends happily or the opposite

Until now, i still can't get the people who always judge people by its religion! what's wrong with u people!!!! whatever it is, when the time has come i hope i will survive ................ but still I HATE YOU