I HATE ZYNGA!

Phew okay first of all, i'm not givin any bad comment about ZYNGA :)

I just wanna say that ZYNGA makes me addicted to CastleVille & Hidden Chronicles games. At first I just wanna spent my resting time with something refreshing like games. But then lately they just start to consume my sleeping time. LOL

Keep up the good work ZYNGA... in no time u will have a sleepless human zombie bcoz of the games phewwww

2012-The year when everything will end

Another same old drama. What is belief? Religion? Faith? What are they? When something only bring war instead of peace could we called them good?

I hate to recall that every kind of worship thing start to creep me out. It creeps me as in now it's so clear to me that what happen 1000 years ago still happening now. People just never realized how odd this pattern but also so clear that we human are just a toys for some GODsss above there

Quote

Nothing exists; all is a dream. God—man—the world—the sun, the moon, the wilderness of stars—a dream, all a dream; they have no existence. Nothing exists save empty space—and you!...And you are not you—you have no body, no blood, no bones, you are but a thought.

Mark Twain (1835-1910)

I wish i could hang on in there.... :)

Journalism

I was thinking about this while i'm driving this afternoon to my student's house. i do admire journalism, writing, literature and so on. But it had crossed over my mind that why there is such things like GRAMMAR, VOCABULARY, TENSES and so on. Article or newspaper should inform someone about what happened. How can you tell someone if you used a complicated words and not the common words.

Educated and uneducated people shall get the same opportunities to understand about things when they read. Sometimes i still confused if i'm reading an article. Is it should be that hard to understand? Why you made it public if there aren't 100% people will understand the writing. Nowadays journalism become like scrabble board. who got a nice word got the highest paid. I realize this when i helped my students with her English movie review, they need us to use another 'fancy words' what????? and i realized did movie critics use a special words to get the attention?

why words now categorized into different subject or theme as i said. Economy, Science, Art, Music, and so on.

I just feel sick about this writing things, and maybe this is why i can't even finish my short stories. Bcos there are rules about how to write something.

why me

What was her mind when she had me inside?
What was his mind when she had me inside?
I guess i'll never know what the answer.
I'm not and will never ready for the truth
Sometimes things are better left unknown
Even something can't be easily forgotten.

Is she sad? Is he regret?
No contacts allowed is that a deal?
I always in this grey area. And this bomb inside my head is easily start ticking with only one word. I can't hate myself because i just can hold on to myself. No one can help me. But I still wish somehow there's someone there who can lift me up from this burden forever, from the darkness i face, from the coldness in the bottom i felt. I do really wish. "Believe in something small" I do.

How can i see my soul, when there is nothing i can see. this blindfold is covering me since the beginning i open my eyes. Or when i arrived in this body. i do need some courage to go. i do need to find the clue, but how?

I have 2 choice , find the truth or let it be the past and i will write my own version in my head like i want to, the way i can handle it.

Are you there?
Are you sick or health?
I'm sorry i can't forgive you
No matter what reason you have
No matter what condition you struggle
No matter what you've been going through
I wish you know that I blame you for all of my life!

why me? not her? not him?
why me!

confusing thought!

Okay, this thing always come back to me every year (i guess)... 

I never realize that my brain can work out many thought. I'm soon gonna be 26 and i haven't decided what i want to do with my life. I just stay focus with what i have and what i want to have but the truth is  instead of those thought, i keep a deepfull thought about live. I wanna be someone else who have another interesting thing to do daily. I'm dull here. I feel empty. I can't even express my own feeling. 

Will I find what I've been looking for?
Will I walk through this darkness forever?
Will I be forgiven for my mistakes?
Will I forgive every mistakes that has been done?
Will I get my happy ever after?
Will I ever let it go?
Will I .........
Ever gonna answer all my questions............

where my money goes..................... part 2

Hello, i'm back..

lately i'm not focused with what i'm doing (except my work) besides working time, i take my laziness to the fullest. Sometimes layin around, reading a book, or BBM-ing ---> this is so on rite now. Maybe i should list my useless activities :D

1. Laying aroung (daydreaming)

2. BBM-ing

3. Playing with itouch

4. Reading my unread novelsssss

While doing that, i still have pending things i should be done.

"1. Cleaning, tide up my room coz its all mess!"

(this need extra lot attention, time, energy and so on) ----> which makes me so lazy to start

Woops, enough the opening... i just want to list where's my money goes (and its part 2)

Okay here we go...

1. Nude/beige pump heel

Okay when i first saw it, I already fell in love... but i'm still lookin around find the other model and cheaper of course :) but in the end i can't find it. So i finally bought it.. I plan to use it on my birthday(comin on september yay) and it's for my birthday gift from : me, myself and I

2. ZENO hot spot

Blemish remover, it gives you hot feel on your acne and it says can remove the blemish from your face. I just curious and I think it works (maybe) , cause there ain't so much acne on my face, i wish this Zeno thingy can remove fat too (-__-)

3. I-touch

Hm i don't know why am i buying this ???? argh well for style point i guess??? I'm not really fanatic lunatic music listener, and i listen radio more than my mp3, but the games helps killing my time :) and last time this thing drive me insane coz it entered recovery mode when i upgraded it to OS 4. In the end I realize that my 8GB itouch can't do the multitasking ARGH.....

4. Body shop tea tree + L'occitane

That're tea tree variant from Body Shop, Face mask and Face toner

Shampoo, Shower cream (peony) & Body milk (peony) from L'occitane

Okay for the tea tree i find it usefull but for L'occitane I just like the smell of the Peony. For the shampoo, the BA said it contain peppermint that can cooling your scalp but i don't feel anything

urgh.......

5. JAY CHOU'S CONCERT

This is the most valuable money goes in my life. Okay that's the 10th year of JC singing career and i've been so lucky that my friend can get us TICKETS only just 3 days before. OMG, i still can't believe i've been in JC concert :D

The concert held in Singapore. :) :)

6. Michael Kors watch

The watch!

7. Accessories

cheap bangles, ring, Clutch(Body'nSoul), Long necklace (Body'nSoul)

8. Flower bouquet

This is worth! Gave it for my mom's birthday on July. It last for 2 weeks i guess.

9. Clothes

My friend had this closing store and sale the clothes. I bought it with best deal!

10. Hello Kitty

Well i just wanna have fun with my lil sister with this cute big clothes.

PHEW DONE DONE DONE..... This is my part 2....

and for the big price.... I think i spent my 1 month hard work for all that stuff :D well but that were spent at different month, so i guess i'm not really feel guilty.

I JUST HAVING FUN WITH MY LIFE !!!!

I hate You!

Blah Blah blah and once again i heard about the religion thingy! That's my rights to believe or not to believe in something. And anyway you're not givin the right example too! And this church thingy ain't gonna bring you to heaven! ain't makin this family holds up together. This happen because we are smart human, we understand when we need to shut up our mouth. Yeah yeah yeah, satan satan satan lately this thing become more popular. The way you blame other ppl except yourself is super proving your ideal of christianity

Phew... i have this miserable of faith since 5 years ago. should i bring this problem into my whole life? I have no idea, i can't just put it in the garbage thingy, because somehow if that problem solved means my life ended ..... either it ends happily or the opposite

Until now, i still can't get the people who always judge people by its religion! what's wrong with u people!!!! whatever it is, when the time has come i hope i will survive ................ but still I HATE YOU

There was this time

Saturday nite, it was a looong busy month...
A lot things happen, but some were steady.. I still need to find some answer.. Though I may not find it soon, but I believe it exist somewhere in this universe...
There was this time when I was so young and naïve... I believe evrything in this world is as beautiful as the ocean or the sky.. But the truth is unbelievable , destructive for me..
There was this time when I started to start a lil bit naugthiest side inside of me.. Tryin a new fun in my life but evrything just came back ZERO. EmPtY. And DULL.
There was this time when I go to God for a peace in my soul, but then something just never last forever.. The trials always come no matter how hard u try....
And... There was this time... the nite when I'm feelin so lonely with a glass of liquor n a pack of cigar... Phew...
Life is sooooooo colourfull.... :)

25 tips of better life...

25 TIPS FOR A BETTER LIFE

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. & while you walk, SMILE. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement,
'My purpose is to __________ today.'

4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

5. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, and almonds.

6. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

7. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

9. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

11. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

12. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

13. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

14. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'

17. Forgive everyone for everything.

18. What other people think of you is none of your business.

19. Time heals everything.

20. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

21. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

23. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements:
I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _________.

24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

25. Please forward this to everyone you care about.

Myday

I think I should write somethin in my blog.. I just think a new interactive way 2 xpress my feelin... So I will write down evry thought that slipped to my mind and write it down here... Like tweeterin n fb n pm - ing on blog.....

12.48am - suddenly feel losin my livin energy...
9.20pm - dang! I can't fulfill my purpose todae!

Sorry maybe I can do better tomorrow
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Sinyal Bagus XL, Nyambung Teruuusss...!

Bookworm!

Yes! Correct! I'm soon gonna drown in the pile of books! That's the 2nd book I bought in these 2 days... I still have 2 books waitin in the line and I already bought 2 more books ... Nice!!! From what I remembered... I ever bought 3 books and at the end I only read one of them :D auch... Sometimes I just need reason to read book that I don't really like it!... Phew.. I hope I can finish this! Soon! Must!
Yeepeee boooks I'm comiiiiin
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Sinyal Bagus XL, Nyambung Teruuusss...!

sorry for everything

i don't know what's going on.. i just need to say sorry to everyone... i feel like i've been doing so much mistakes... and keep on doing it....

for all the ppl there who knows me well and start to know me.. sorry for everything, for every word that i've said, things that i've done, i hope in the next and new me... i can be a better person...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

another heart feelin

Am i in my way of destructing myself...

Lately i never can control myself, i don't know what i want or what i feel, i've been searching everywhere, talkin to every people.... once i laugh i'll forget what makes me sad.... but then those nitemare keep comin back to me... i don't know how to start trustin people i guess... or maybe for whole mylife i'll never trust anyone... 

Most people will connect me to the religion to find a peace for my soul.. my life is like pieces of puzzle that shattered everywhere... and i don't know how to start build it , where is the first piece that will connect to another piece that will make a complete picture of my life... For all this time i think i don't hve any piece that connect to other piece....  and after all this time i blame the religion that makes my life this complicated.... eveni do understand completely that Life is just a journey that i should walk in.. so simple just like we eat, breath, smile, or cryin... but why every people making it so hard to do! 

I should enjoy my life isn't it? SHOULD! but i can't every single moment that i passed it, just bring another problems...... it keeps comin back to me.. why why why why.... no one can answer it.. i'm not that kind of moaning person.... but with too much complaint.. just make me want to throw it back to the ppl who puke that complaint! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa can i give someone love that i never had it for all my life?.......................... 

-i'm cryin from the deepest soul of my heart-

Can I ?

-Can I get my happiness with someone that hasn't understand what's the meaning of it?-
I'm in the middle of watching transformer
But my mind crossing all over things except the movie! Funny! Cos everybody is talking bout the movie... But, I'm not in the good mood for evrything!...

(Aaaaaa sam just said 'stop complaining!)

I shouldn't talk my sadness or my problems here, but no place for me to share.. I don't need a solution or someone to calm me or watever.... I just need to get this freaky things out of my mind!

I just know that many ppl haven't find the meaning of life... Isn't that what we should lookin for? Not money not all the good stuff in the world....
I hang out with someone, the X... Who loves to spend money to buy some xpensive branded things.... I've never dare 2 asked the purpose why X doing that things..

(Girls like dangerous boys! -mikaela)

Is someone get the price by outfit they used? Or by evry single xpensive things they own???
But then this is just my thought... If u can't get comfy with evry single things that u hve n tryin to fit into something that u can't even handle..... U just NOTHING ....
I hope I can change X... Can I? ................
I do miss something peacefull in my heart, mind and soul... But even I can't achieve that till the end of my life... I'm gratefull with evrything I've been through....
Evry sadness
Evry happiness
Evry joy
Evry anger, dissapointed
Evry love that I've been given or been taken from me
I'm gratefull for evry single of it!

Love! Smooooch!

steady....

Hm.. i don't hve something to share actually... but then i just want to write...
i was reading my fren's blog.. it contains some info about indies movie.. and i was attached at this quote there're some actually...

"it's like Newton's first principle; beauty is inversely proportional to brain"

"Why did God create us differently if God only wants to be worshipped one way?"
"That's why God created Love, so that those who are different can unite!"

"We have been given the privilege to learn more. Those who know nothing is easier provoked"

"God loves Cina(man) and Annisa (woman), but they cannot love each other because they call God using different names"

"Religion is the cheapest propaganda that has caused countless historical human slaughters!"

-------------- can't wait to see the movie----------------------
see youtube for the trailer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvXVDo3OHUs

some.. encourage...

-There is no road signs in life; no sign telling us to stop, make a right, make a left or even to slow down. There is no road map in life and not every thing in life laid out according to plan.That is what makes life interesting in one way and frightening on the other. It is really up to us to make a decision in life -

like drivin a car huh????? only without sign and rules and everything :o
Taken from someone's blog.. which i don't know where, cause the person still not telling me the address... thanks to him..


-Miss ya-

New Life

Hello,

Hold on..... I'm not having a new life I just in the middle of program that has that theme!

Yeap... That's a lil bit scary and desperate to hear..... But, maybe for some ppl this is the only way to face their problem......

I've been join this program a couple times and all of them was never comin from my request... Either my frens called me to accompany or somebody just told me to come and not need any NO answer! (It's happen to me now :p )

I know,and fully understand that all of these are important for my life but then a part of me... That I've had taken care for such a long n hard way.... I can't just let it go... Even I know somehow evrything would be okay! I'm afraid confused and feel guilty at the same time.... Yeap... Another cloudy mind.... I hope I can get through thiz....

What love can buy

Bed but not sleep

Medicine but not health

Luxuries but not culture

Amusement but not happines

Acquintance but not friends

Finery but not beauty

House but not home

Food but not appetite

Computer but not brains

SeX but not LOVE

Enjoying home all day long!

Yap... That's correct... I'm not working today.. And when I asked my mom to go shopping with me, she said she gonna take my sist for swimming, even in the end it's raining...and my sist cancelled swimming... So I end up at my room watching How I met Your Mother season 4...
There is no coincidence, evrything happen for a reason rite? Guess wat... There's been traffic evrywheree so... I was so lucky didn't go anywhere ;)
Besides, I watched a very nice series... I like the story about 3 days later... Kinda insult Jesus, but hey...they surely got a point....I'll write the complete quote... Later... But I like the other story ... Here's the quote I like : you can't plan your life..... "U can't design ur life like a building
U just hve to live it and it will design itself" --- gosh I love this word so much.. Yeap n I'm still tryin to live my life ... And try not to design or planning perfectly my entire life... I know somehow fairytales not always hve a happy ending but at least they ever felt happy... No matter what my ending... I'll take it as my design... My only design of my life -- E.O.S