confusing thought!

Okay, this thing always come back to me every year (i guess)... 

I never realize that my brain can work out many thought. I'm soon gonna be 26 and i haven't decided what i want to do with my life. I just stay focus with what i have and what i want to have but the truth is  instead of those thought, i keep a deepfull thought about live. I wanna be someone else who have another interesting thing to do daily. I'm dull here. I feel empty. I can't even express my own feeling. 

Will I find what I've been looking for?
Will I walk through this darkness forever?
Will I be forgiven for my mistakes?
Will I forgive every mistakes that has been done?
Will I get my happy ever after?
Will I ever let it go?
Will I .........
Ever gonna answer all my questions............

where my money goes..................... part 2

Hello, i'm back..

lately i'm not focused with what i'm doing (except my work) besides working time, i take my laziness to the fullest. Sometimes layin around, reading a book, or BBM-ing ---> this is so on rite now. Maybe i should list my useless activities :D

1. Laying aroung (daydreaming)

2. BBM-ing

3. Playing with itouch

4. Reading my unread novelsssss

While doing that, i still have pending things i should be done.

"1. Cleaning, tide up my room coz its all mess!"

(this need extra lot attention, time, energy and so on) ----> which makes me so lazy to start

Woops, enough the opening... i just want to list where's my money goes (and its part 2)

Okay here we go...

1. Nude/beige pump heel

Okay when i first saw it, I already fell in love... but i'm still lookin around find the other model and cheaper of course :) but in the end i can't find it. So i finally bought it.. I plan to use it on my birthday(comin on september yay) and it's for my birthday gift from : me, myself and I

2. ZENO hot spot

Blemish remover, it gives you hot feel on your acne and it says can remove the blemish from your face. I just curious and I think it works (maybe) , cause there ain't so much acne on my face, i wish this Zeno thingy can remove fat too (-__-)

3. I-touch

Hm i don't know why am i buying this ???? argh well for style point i guess??? I'm not really fanatic lunatic music listener, and i listen radio more than my mp3, but the games helps killing my time :) and last time this thing drive me insane coz it entered recovery mode when i upgraded it to OS 4. In the end I realize that my 8GB itouch can't do the multitasking ARGH.....

4. Body shop tea tree + L'occitane

That're tea tree variant from Body Shop, Face mask and Face toner

Shampoo, Shower cream (peony) & Body milk (peony) from L'occitane

Okay for the tea tree i find it usefull but for L'occitane I just like the smell of the Peony. For the shampoo, the BA said it contain peppermint that can cooling your scalp but i don't feel anything

urgh.......

5. JAY CHOU'S CONCERT

This is the most valuable money goes in my life. Okay that's the 10th year of JC singing career and i've been so lucky that my friend can get us TICKETS only just 3 days before. OMG, i still can't believe i've been in JC concert :D

The concert held in Singapore. :) :)

6. Michael Kors watch

The watch!

7. Accessories

cheap bangles, ring, Clutch(Body'nSoul), Long necklace (Body'nSoul)

8. Flower bouquet

This is worth! Gave it for my mom's birthday on July. It last for 2 weeks i guess.

9. Clothes

My friend had this closing store and sale the clothes. I bought it with best deal!

10. Hello Kitty

Well i just wanna have fun with my lil sister with this cute big clothes.

PHEW DONE DONE DONE..... This is my part 2....

and for the big price.... I think i spent my 1 month hard work for all that stuff :D well but that were spent at different month, so i guess i'm not really feel guilty.

I JUST HAVING FUN WITH MY LIFE !!!!

I hate You!

Blah Blah blah and once again i heard about the religion thingy! That's my rights to believe or not to believe in something. And anyway you're not givin the right example too! And this church thingy ain't gonna bring you to heaven! ain't makin this family holds up together. This happen because we are smart human, we understand when we need to shut up our mouth. Yeah yeah yeah, satan satan satan lately this thing become more popular. The way you blame other ppl except yourself is super proving your ideal of christianity

Phew... i have this miserable of faith since 5 years ago. should i bring this problem into my whole life? I have no idea, i can't just put it in the garbage thingy, because somehow if that problem solved means my life ended ..... either it ends happily or the opposite

Until now, i still can't get the people who always judge people by its religion! what's wrong with u people!!!! whatever it is, when the time has come i hope i will survive ................ but still I HATE YOU

There was this time

Saturday nite, it was a looong busy month...
A lot things happen, but some were steady.. I still need to find some answer.. Though I may not find it soon, but I believe it exist somewhere in this universe...
There was this time when I was so young and naïve... I believe evrything in this world is as beautiful as the ocean or the sky.. But the truth is unbelievable , destructive for me..
There was this time when I started to start a lil bit naugthiest side inside of me.. Tryin a new fun in my life but evrything just came back ZERO. EmPtY. And DULL.
There was this time when I go to God for a peace in my soul, but then something just never last forever.. The trials always come no matter how hard u try....
And... There was this time... the nite when I'm feelin so lonely with a glass of liquor n a pack of cigar... Phew...
Life is sooooooo colourfull.... :)

25 tips of better life...

25 TIPS FOR A BETTER LIFE

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. & while you walk, SMILE. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement,
'My purpose is to __________ today.'

4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

5. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, and almonds.

6. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

7. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

9. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

11. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

12. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

13. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

14. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'

17. Forgive everyone for everything.

18. What other people think of you is none of your business.

19. Time heals everything.

20. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

21. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

23. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements:
I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _________.

24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

25. Please forward this to everyone you care about.

Myday

I think I should write somethin in my blog.. I just think a new interactive way 2 xpress my feelin... So I will write down evry thought that slipped to my mind and write it down here... Like tweeterin n fb n pm - ing on blog.....

12.48am - suddenly feel losin my livin energy...
9.20pm - dang! I can't fulfill my purpose todae!

Sorry maybe I can do better tomorrow
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Sinyal Bagus XL, Nyambung Teruuusss...!

Bookworm!

Yes! Correct! I'm soon gonna drown in the pile of books! That's the 2nd book I bought in these 2 days... I still have 2 books waitin in the line and I already bought 2 more books ... Nice!!! From what I remembered... I ever bought 3 books and at the end I only read one of them :D auch... Sometimes I just need reason to read book that I don't really like it!... Phew.. I hope I can finish this! Soon! Must!
Yeepeee boooks I'm comiiiiin
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Sinyal Bagus XL, Nyambung Teruuusss...!

sorry for everything

i don't know what's going on.. i just need to say sorry to everyone... i feel like i've been doing so much mistakes... and keep on doing it....

for all the ppl there who knows me well and start to know me.. sorry for everything, for every word that i've said, things that i've done, i hope in the next and new me... i can be a better person...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

another heart feelin

Am i in my way of destructing myself...

Lately i never can control myself, i don't know what i want or what i feel, i've been searching everywhere, talkin to every people.... once i laugh i'll forget what makes me sad.... but then those nitemare keep comin back to me... i don't know how to start trustin people i guess... or maybe for whole mylife i'll never trust anyone... 

Most people will connect me to the religion to find a peace for my soul.. my life is like pieces of puzzle that shattered everywhere... and i don't know how to start build it , where is the first piece that will connect to another piece that will make a complete picture of my life... For all this time i think i don't hve any piece that connect to other piece....  and after all this time i blame the religion that makes my life this complicated.... eveni do understand completely that Life is just a journey that i should walk in.. so simple just like we eat, breath, smile, or cryin... but why every people making it so hard to do! 

I should enjoy my life isn't it? SHOULD! but i can't every single moment that i passed it, just bring another problems...... it keeps comin back to me.. why why why why.... no one can answer it.. i'm not that kind of moaning person.... but with too much complaint.. just make me want to throw it back to the ppl who puke that complaint! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa can i give someone love that i never had it for all my life?.......................... 

-i'm cryin from the deepest soul of my heart-

Can I ?

-Can I get my happiness with someone that hasn't understand what's the meaning of it?-
I'm in the middle of watching transformer
But my mind crossing all over things except the movie! Funny! Cos everybody is talking bout the movie... But, I'm not in the good mood for evrything!...

(Aaaaaa sam just said 'stop complaining!)

I shouldn't talk my sadness or my problems here, but no place for me to share.. I don't need a solution or someone to calm me or watever.... I just need to get this freaky things out of my mind!

I just know that many ppl haven't find the meaning of life... Isn't that what we should lookin for? Not money not all the good stuff in the world....
I hang out with someone, the X... Who loves to spend money to buy some xpensive branded things.... I've never dare 2 asked the purpose why X doing that things..

(Girls like dangerous boys! -mikaela)

Is someone get the price by outfit they used? Or by evry single xpensive things they own???
But then this is just my thought... If u can't get comfy with evry single things that u hve n tryin to fit into something that u can't even handle..... U just NOTHING ....
I hope I can change X... Can I? ................
I do miss something peacefull in my heart, mind and soul... But even I can't achieve that till the end of my life... I'm gratefull with evrything I've been through....
Evry sadness
Evry happiness
Evry joy
Evry anger, dissapointed
Evry love that I've been given or been taken from me
I'm gratefull for evry single of it!

Love! Smooooch!

steady....

Hm.. i don't hve something to share actually... but then i just want to write...
i was reading my fren's blog.. it contains some info about indies movie.. and i was attached at this quote there're some actually...

"it's like Newton's first principle; beauty is inversely proportional to brain"

"Why did God create us differently if God only wants to be worshipped one way?"
"That's why God created Love, so that those who are different can unite!"

"We have been given the privilege to learn more. Those who know nothing is easier provoked"

"God loves Cina(man) and Annisa (woman), but they cannot love each other because they call God using different names"

"Religion is the cheapest propaganda that has caused countless historical human slaughters!"

-------------- can't wait to see the movie----------------------
see youtube for the trailer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvXVDo3OHUs

some.. encourage...

-There is no road signs in life; no sign telling us to stop, make a right, make a left or even to slow down. There is no road map in life and not every thing in life laid out according to plan.That is what makes life interesting in one way and frightening on the other. It is really up to us to make a decision in life -

like drivin a car huh????? only without sign and rules and everything :o
Taken from someone's blog.. which i don't know where, cause the person still not telling me the address... thanks to him..


-Miss ya-

New Life

Hello,

Hold on..... I'm not having a new life I just in the middle of program that has that theme!

Yeap... That's a lil bit scary and desperate to hear..... But, maybe for some ppl this is the only way to face their problem......

I've been join this program a couple times and all of them was never comin from my request... Either my frens called me to accompany or somebody just told me to come and not need any NO answer! (It's happen to me now :p )

I know,and fully understand that all of these are important for my life but then a part of me... That I've had taken care for such a long n hard way.... I can't just let it go... Even I know somehow evrything would be okay! I'm afraid confused and feel guilty at the same time.... Yeap... Another cloudy mind.... I hope I can get through thiz....

What love can buy

Bed but not sleep

Medicine but not health

Luxuries but not culture

Amusement but not happines

Acquintance but not friends

Finery but not beauty

House but not home

Food but not appetite

Computer but not brains

SeX but not LOVE

Enjoying home all day long!

Yap... That's correct... I'm not working today.. And when I asked my mom to go shopping with me, she said she gonna take my sist for swimming, even in the end it's raining...and my sist cancelled swimming... So I end up at my room watching How I met Your Mother season 4...
There is no coincidence, evrything happen for a reason rite? Guess wat... There's been traffic evrywheree so... I was so lucky didn't go anywhere ;)
Besides, I watched a very nice series... I like the story about 3 days later... Kinda insult Jesus, but hey...they surely got a point....I'll write the complete quote... Later... But I like the other story ... Here's the quote I like : you can't plan your life..... "U can't design ur life like a building
U just hve to live it and it will design itself" --- gosh I love this word so much.. Yeap n I'm still tryin to live my life ... And try not to design or planning perfectly my entire life... I know somehow fairytales not always hve a happy ending but at least they ever felt happy... No matter what my ending... I'll take it as my design... My only design of my life -- E.O.S

!Bad mood!

Yap! I'm waking up at 5am in the morning and I feel bad... Don't ask me why cos I don't even know..Why am I feel this way... Should I cry,laugh or angry? I still not know the answer... But one thing that I know for sure that today is going to be a long daaaaay....
This couple months 'something' tryin to play with my heart.... I said something cos I'm not so sure about... Is it destiny, wishes comin true or jokes or hope or whateva.... But one thing I learn is coincidence never exist!!! Every single thing happen for a reason.... And ready or not we hve to be prepared to choose... I was thinking bout my past (I'm not looking back.....) And I finally a lil bit understand... How life sometimes play with me.... How evrything can be a big chaos.... But that's the essence of life isn't it? Without that our life would be so dull.... I was too afraid to do mistakes (who's not anyway???) And that's why I'm always standing in the very safe position, I will not get hurt... O yeah.... But I'm loosing something... When ppl stop doing mistakes... They stop learning.... Coz in the end.... The one who's going to get hurt most is ME... I don't learn anything, I left behind and I can't turn back time whatsoever!
Aaaaaaahhh I'm babbling here... Yap! Wanna know why? Bcos I hve to shout and say somethiiiiiiing.... N I've troubled all my fren a lot with all my babbling before :(....
Tiredddddd.... Better stop here or I'm gonna crush my cellphone :)

Ending n Beginning

Phew... Been so stress... I hve to ended my loooong relationship bcos there is no future for us both... But then isomething cross in my mind... Is the future things only my selfishness? Or is it a fact? Am I not trying so hard to fight for my relationship? Or I just haven't felt love that could make me sacrifice evrything.. But, it's done... I already said it... Then why something feels empty inside me... My fren said it's a normal thing to feel like that.. I'm still a human... even there's nothing to lose and the decision is pure out from my mouth... I just felt sorry for him... In the other hand.... Thanks to evryone who's been supporting me to ended this complicated relationship... Cos I should've ended long long time ago when I realize that there's no future for us.... I hate this part.... :) hope there is a new love for me.... N for him ......

-negative thought-

Wake up in the morning and I hve to hear some theory bout the negativenesss (is that word exist??) Well I've had fun thin month but hearing such a negative thought makes me wanna shouted n said come ooooonnn dude.. What's going on wit u!?! Life isn't and never gonna be easy but we hve to look in positive ways, at least.. Gosh I just really need time to relax... I'm waiting for end of july huaaaaaa... Oh and I hope my brain, mind, and soul won't be contaminated with such a bad thinking way....

~am i guilty?!~

Hello,

been through a lot this month... yeap.... i feel like i'm in a new chapter of my life or is it just a prologue? and i hven't even started anything..... :)

I've been looking into myself.. deeply... there is a bitch complaining about the way i am... and one of my fren said that perhaps if she too much complaining i hve to look back to myself am i losing my control or did wrong, is she said a truth or just a bluff???.... thanks to my fren... cos i've been thinking a lot... and maybe i'm a lil bit of losing my control.... but i'm just a human... trying to be a better person....
but then.... i just can't forgive the way the bitch treat me.... i'll prove it that i can improve a lot better..
we'll seee just seeeeee HUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH phewwww

nobody likes to be complained rite? even if we're truly wrong LOL... yeap... I'm just expressing the way i am.. but accept a complain from someone that has more more more more mistakes than me.. can i????? i'm sad, angry, but yet try to think..... can't i just make mistakes and fix it later?
just don't answer it.... :)

~i miss you~

It's been too long and I'm lost without you
What am I gonna do
Said I've been needin you
(Said I'm needin you)
Wantin you
Wonderin if you're the same and
Who's been with youIs your heart still mine
(Is your heart still mine)

I wanna cry sometimes
I miss you
Off to college
Yes you went away
Straight from highschool
You up and left me
We were close friends also lovers
Did everything for one another
Now you're gone
And I'm lost without you here now
But I know I gotta live and make it somehow

[Bridge]
Come back to me(to me)
Can you hear me (callin)
Hear me callin (for you) for youcuz it's

[Chorus]
It's been too long and I'm lost without you
What am I gonna do Said I've been needin you
Ooh...Ooh
Wantin you
Wonderin if you're the same and
Who's been with you
Is your heart still mine
(Is your heart still mine)
I wanna cry sometimes
I miss you
Now I'm sittin here
Thinkin bout you
And the days we used to share
It's drivin me crazy I don't know what to do
I'm just wonderin if you still care
And I don't want to let you knowthat it's killin me
I know you got another life
And gotta concentrate baby


>>>>>>. for someone out there who missed someone.... <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<