-negative thought-

Wake up in the morning and I hve to hear some theory bout the negativenesss (is that word exist??) Well I've had fun thin month but hearing such a negative thought makes me wanna shouted n said come ooooonnn dude.. What's going on wit u!?! Life isn't and never gonna be easy but we hve to look in positive ways, at least.. Gosh I just really need time to relax... I'm waiting for end of july huaaaaaa... Oh and I hope my brain, mind, and soul won't be contaminated with such a bad thinking way....

~am i guilty?!~

Hello,

been through a lot this month... yeap.... i feel like i'm in a new chapter of my life or is it just a prologue? and i hven't even started anything..... :)

I've been looking into myself.. deeply... there is a bitch complaining about the way i am... and one of my fren said that perhaps if she too much complaining i hve to look back to myself am i losing my control or did wrong, is she said a truth or just a bluff???.... thanks to my fren... cos i've been thinking a lot... and maybe i'm a lil bit of losing my control.... but i'm just a human... trying to be a better person....
but then.... i just can't forgive the way the bitch treat me.... i'll prove it that i can improve a lot better..
we'll seee just seeeeee HUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH phewwww

nobody likes to be complained rite? even if we're truly wrong LOL... yeap... I'm just expressing the way i am.. but accept a complain from someone that has more more more more mistakes than me.. can i????? i'm sad, angry, but yet try to think..... can't i just make mistakes and fix it later?
just don't answer it.... :)

~i miss you~

It's been too long and I'm lost without you
What am I gonna do
Said I've been needin you
(Said I'm needin you)
Wantin you
Wonderin if you're the same and
Who's been with youIs your heart still mine
(Is your heart still mine)

I wanna cry sometimes
I miss you
Off to college
Yes you went away
Straight from highschool
You up and left me
We were close friends also lovers
Did everything for one another
Now you're gone
And I'm lost without you here now
But I know I gotta live and make it somehow

[Bridge]
Come back to me(to me)
Can you hear me (callin)
Hear me callin (for you) for youcuz it's

[Chorus]
It's been too long and I'm lost without you
What am I gonna do Said I've been needin you
Ooh...Ooh
Wantin you
Wonderin if you're the same and
Who's been with you
Is your heart still mine
(Is your heart still mine)
I wanna cry sometimes
I miss you
Now I'm sittin here
Thinkin bout you
And the days we used to share
It's drivin me crazy I don't know what to do
I'm just wonderin if you still care
And I don't want to let you knowthat it's killin me
I know you got another life
And gotta concentrate baby


>>>>>>. for someone out there who missed someone.... <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

~Balance LIfe~

~opening theme song... supermassive blackhole:MUSE~

Wow... i can say this week is a really meaningfull week for me... people said that life's round like a circle... this week that happen to me.. i've been up and down but that makes me realize that i have colourful life like everyone else and my life ain't dull...... the best part is this week start with sad things and ended with happy things........... BUT (there's always but for everything isn't it....)

for those who read my previous diary... could notice that i'm a kind of person that hard to appreciate my life... not because i life in a hard position but i've been hard on myself.... for the pressure i had. okay sooo... the BUT is...

This happy feeling that i had.. is not a fair, true, or a right thing that i supposed to do.... maybe...
but the guilty n the pleasure.... is the best thing that i've ever felt since the last time i have it....and i think i still can manage that.. hope this is just my way to find the meaning of my life... i'm searching, hunting, and trying to be a better person.... I believe i will

We never know if we doing any mistake before we've done it...
Never trying something that you can do is the biggest mistake u'll done in ur life..... :)
for those bad or good is not our power to judge it.....
Peace ^_^

~~~many many thanks to someone who hold my secret ~~~~~~~~ luv ya X.O.X.O

Ouch how I want this

Whew...
I really want this thing... I don't know why
I'm on my shop diet.. More exactly is parfume shopping diet... So far I can manage my wanted... But then.. Some evil bring this things and I..... Crushed lol
I guess I'm gonna buy it... If I'm not forgot lol... I like pretty things and this one so pretty

Weird feelings

Wow... these past 4 days been busy for me....
i hve to deal with my sis disease and my work...
my students hve exam and i have to prepare the practice for them..
can't sleep well of course. and I hve a lil fever here
so then.. my problem is ... I have a very super sensitive things with one of parent...
i dunno what did i do wrong.. but she seems avoid me..... but then i don't want to think about it
n it;s happen 2nd time.. and i still gonna hve to meet about 6 more times this month..
that means.... i have to say shit everytime i go there..... :)

never mind... i've been hard to myself lately... things happen so fast and i change myself, i denied a couple things i love to do and not so idealist anymore.. if i were a 'matter' i will be in gas state now.... and long time ago i was in solid state....
how come that happen... sometimes i missed myself back then when i'm in high school.. i have faith, i have fun, i have events too.... now.... older enough to understand a couple things in life.. only makes everything gone bad... i closed my treasure box and stop playing with my dream :(
sad isn't it... some ppl never want to admit that they life in the shadow... and sometimes all the success ppl live in their dream to.. they see world as a happy beautifull place.. but me... i see this.. as a big mess.. chaos... just wait to see when something will crash one click...

yeah.... sounds crap?!? the one who thinks this is a crap... they have crappier thought than this world already has.... u knowwww.... just admit it... it;s hard to see things go to an end when u haven't get anything done... but what's done? nobody know.... yeah nor u nor me......

superstitious

woah... it's been the 2nd day.. since my lil sister in hospital.... and for a thousand times i'll repeat it that I hate hospital....
I'm in a good condition when i enter that room.. and this morning i came home with a lil bit heat on my body.... and i can't take care my sister now... zzzz really miss her...
Okay the reason about why i hate hospital so much is because a "fairytale" that my mom ever told me... LOL.. actually it's a ghost story about how many times she saw 'things' in hospital.. and it came in a Nurse shape... geeeezz.. so for a long nite, i was awake... wondering if the nurse that came to check my sis is a person or a 'beeeeeeep' and here i am laying on my own bed typing in my blog.. that hopefully my sister will get well sooon ....

i miss u my cutie lil sister that sometimes annoyed me with her own jokes... love ya.......

Songs.... :)

Recently i've been hearing this song..... regularly LOL

Rihanna - Hate on The club
Now this be the last time you did me wrong
No more laying up in your arms
No calling, saying you want me back
I'm packing my bags, what you think about that?
Stayed at home like a good girl do
But Tonight baby you got me sad and blue
I just heard about the girl in your car now, kissing at the bar
Got me crying

[Chorus:]
Ohhh, you got me hatin' on the club
'Cause you took my love
Oh you took my love
Now you got me like whoahhh
You got me hatin' on the club
'Cause you took my love
Why'd you have to take my loveWhoahh

And you can be mad at me all you
ain't coming in, I'll be waiting out front
Coming out the door with your girlfriend
You did me wrong boy tell me where our love is
I Stayed at home like a good girl do
But Tonight baby you got me sad and blue
I just heard about the girl in your car now, kissing at the bar
Got me crying

back to [Chorus:]

Now this is the sound of a broken heart
There's only one reason why we're apart
She never woulda made it to your car
If it wasn't for the club, I'd still have my
would still have usI'd still have my love
We would still have us
But now we're like whoahhhh
Ohhh, you got me hatin' on the club'Cause you took my love
Oh you took my loveBut now, now we're like whoahhh
You got me hatin' on the clubYou took my loveOh you took my love

~luv it~

I'm tired

Yeap I'm still in my bad mood for my period and sometimes I feel like I don't really want to ........ Never mind....
I just feel a lil bit jealousy with some of my frens... Yeah... I hve a bad feeling that I couldn't get my happily ever after life... Yeap that thing only a fairytale.... But then how I should go on with my life... When nothing I could do for changing it to better.... I don't have enough power to do or maybe I just wish that the world end soon, so I don't hve to do anything....

Gyahahahahhaha- pathetic square.... Geeez....

~imitation of life~

HI there... yeap... today i'm in my lowest mood which means... i really want to vanished from this world... like jumper maybe.... sometimes i'm thinking about how it would feel to erase someone entirely from this world.. not only death, but all about that particular person.... from memories and so on. If God really write everything on it, He could erase it... but people need to adapt which only can be learned by previous action... no memories mean nothing gonna move forward...

Well the reason i've been sensitive about my life is... actually i should be happy rite.. but nobody is happy enough with their life.. there always a thousand reason to deny a happiness.
Okay.. so the reason is.. are.. perhaps... :) hatred toward some ppl.... i've been underestimated about my ability in my field... i'm a tutor but yet one 'biatch' who also a tutor makes a statement about tutor is a fake teacher.. gosh..... what the hell wrong with you... eating her own shit...
and now i've been thinking to become a teacher... but i don't want my reason to be a teacher is because that biatch statement...
the other reason maybe these past days i loss my confidence.. like i've been try so hard but then it's not enough to impress no improvement... i think i'm gonna change my mood tomorrow
i don't like ppl anymore.. and i want to be a mean person... ------ that is only my thought.. lol that's why before all of my thought become real, i want to vanished... could someone erase me??? just erase... forget that i ever lived in this world...

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Reader!!

I just read this blog when i'm googling some movie... it's shinjuku incident.. says in wikipedia that TAKIZAWA HIDEAKI cast on that movie... i wonder which cast is he play... :) anyone can answer this? btw i read this article :

According to J.A. O’Brien, a reading instruction expert, There are essentially 3 different types of readers ( our unique reading styles are influenced by this, according to him) and they are:
Motor Readers - Motor readers are lip movers or vocalizers. Such readers are extremely slow readers as they accompany their reading with various movements of the muscles of articulation. As a result, their speed of reading slows down because they artificially keep their speed down to the rate at which they can pronounce words. Moreover, since there is so much muscular activity involved in their reading, motor readers tire quickly. Motor readers make frequent regressions, for their eyes tend to rush ahead and their voice stays behind. These readers often take the help of their finger to keep a track of their reading and to stay where on the word where there voice is. All this leads to poor comprehension for their mind is as much involved with the mechanics of reading as it is with ideas.
Auditory Readers - Auditory readers "hear" the words they read, but they do not sub-vocalize to themselves. They are very much aware of saying words in their mind, although their speech organs are completely at rest. This means, that they do not actually pronounce each word aloud but only imagine the pronunciation. Auditory readers are mush more skillful and rapid. Auditory reading is faster than motor reading.
Visual Readers - Visual reading is the fastest. Visual readers do not "hear" what they are reading. They simply see a word and understand its meaning. Visual readers understand words and phrases without saying and hearing them. They read with their eyes and mind, not with their mouths or ears.
Credits to Namrata Mathur
So, what type of reader are you?

I hate this part in my houz 2

Geez... Thought this perhaps a hundreds times I feel very annoyed... I'm in my gold cage, I feel safe but then I hve to follow orders, rules and so whatever... SUCKS



saving for future is one of things that I don't like to think about... If I could choose I prefer not having my future... Sorry for ppl who really want to live 4eva, but I absolutely don't agree..... But I can't ending mylife myself for that is a sin to do that. But I have a strong feeling that I hve my bomb.. Whatever the trigger it will soon vanished me from this world lol. Geez.... I'm talkking crap and yes... All ppl surround me is a crap and they are making me feel the crap's of world .........

Why physics is so hard!!

Hyaaaa I hate physics...

Newtonian mechanic things..

It's just another junior high school questions but then this simple machine lever things is sooooo CRAP

extra ordinary strange day.... ?!?!?

Hi there.. wow i guess it's too late now. But then i feel so terrible if i'm not write anything todae

I'm trying to adapt myself to my new netbook. Kind of hard using it but i love it.. i just fell in love and it's pink lol. Hm been talking to my friend about life, God, relationship n so on..

Well this week i can say.. that my job isn't fun for me.. i feel a lil bit tension there. The good news is i got extra long weekend because of the election .... and easter of course...

Talking bout easter... this year perhaps is the first year of my easter without any routine tradition in catholic... for more than 10 years i've been doing that on and on.. sometimes makes me sick... but then... kind of missing it.... but just a little... because somehow i can't manage my believe in all those celebration anymore... yeah... i lost it.. the feeling of easter and christmas. Should i pity myself? perhaps.. but then i should pity the people who're going to church without realising that they're no heart in there... at least i know that i don't like being trap in one tradition without understand what is the meaning.

I hve a lil bit quote here :

"How evil is possible in the world if God is all-good and all-powerful. After all, if God is all-powerful, then the evil in this world is His responsibility and He cannot therefore be all-good. If God is all-good then He cannot be all-powerful, for He allows evil to exist in the world."

Who can answer that??? i can't n i don't want to try to answer that either...

that quote is from shawni book's called The End of Reason... i have the book in my language (indonesian) and i hve to admit it I like to read it again and again.. not for judging God or try not to believe it.. the books.. really good for questioning my faith.... maybe someday i can find the truth, but i rather to keep it like that.. as a mystery....

hoamh so sleepy need to go to bed.........

nite ^^

crying... i"m so sad :((

Hello

I'm in the very super really bad mood

Well I guess I was happier yesterday!

Below is one of my book that I bought a long long time ago, n I still haven't got any chanve to read it.. I hope it's nice :)

Here comes the synopsis :

"Lady Constance Keeble, sister of Lord Ermsworth of Blanding Castle, has both an imperious manner and a valuable diamond necklace. The precarious peace of Blandings is shattered when her necklace become the object of dark plottings, for within the castle lurk some well-connected jewel thieves-among them the Honourable Freddie Threepwood, Lord Emsworth's younger son, who wants the reward money to set up a bookmaking business. Psmith, the elegant socialist, is also after it for his newly married chum Mike. And on patrol with the impossible task of bringing management to Blandings is the efficient Baxter, whose striving for order lead to a memorable encounter with the castle flowerpots......"

A witch!

' A witch description from Paulo C, was a person who never complied with the established rules, and always tried to dare and to go beyond and to celebrate life, and to love and to have joy and pleasure while doing this'



Whay a complicated description! No wonder there is a conclusion that ppl never accept simple and took the complicated one....but I understand this logically than the other 'witch' that I've known sonce childhood. :)

Another simple explanation from witch could be connect to a witchcraft like ghost, or supernatural things..... Well there are always two sides of evrything...

~so sleepy~

My new netbook

This is my new lnovo netbook yippi

Just bought it... And I'm replacing my old Acer... Well I haven't play with this cos I haven't make the recovery disc back up for the windows part... Hope I soon can use it

Gya gya gya.........

Smooch

X.O.x.o

Sent from my QooBerry® smartphone from Sinyal Mahal XL, Jarang Nyambung Karna Mahal...!

I'm testing my blog

Hi there try to posting it through my cellphone

Is it work???????

Btw that is my ELLE watch that I took it from my sister hihihi. She didn't like it though

Sent from my QooBerry® smartphone from Sinyal Mahal XL, Jarang Nyambung Karna Mahal...!

What do you want?

'What do you want? You can't want to be happy, because that's too easy and too boring. You can't want only to love, bcause that's impossible. What do you want? You want to justify your life, to live it as intensely as possible. That is at once a trap and a source of ecstasy. Try to be alert to that danger, and experience the joy and the adventure of being that woman who is beyond the image reflected in the mirror.'

-The witch of Portobello; Paulo Coelho -

Another miserable day!

Today... is a public holiday for Hindu's ppl. It's called Nyepi... or can be translated as Silence?
well in Bali this things will extremely different than the other days, but here in jakarta, just as crowded as any other days...

Anyway... i hate when my parents urrr no 'S' i guess.. cos only 1 person dominant for that ability..., okay i hate when parent messing up with my life.. control this and that.. I really don't like but i can't say even just a word to protest :p.. well that's the power of parent i guess. I just can shouted at HEreeeeeeeeeeeeee AAAAAaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggghhhhhh.
why why why and why. so many things i haven't done bcos they created so many boundaries.. sometimes i wish i was a rebell daughter.. maybe my life would even worse than now, but at least somehow i learn to fix it. Right now? I feel like i'm living in a gold cage.. a step that i taken always counted perfectly safe. no challenge, no damage, and no risk of course. But then, it's too late for me to regret every single step that i've taken... for i can't turn back time. :)

Well enough for that... i'm reading a book... by Paulo Coelho ; The witch of Portobello. Like any other his book, this one is very meaningfull too.. kind of describe my day.. but not that extreme..
maybe i'll write down some quote on the book someday...... :)
gotta go reading again.. just feel some mess up in my head......

luv.....Qoo